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Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater

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I must confess, it’s extremely hard to concentrate these days. Sometimes I find myself poking around for hours on social media, which leaves me almost nauseated afterwards. Worst part, I can’t stop doing it. My hand reaches my phone secretly. I put it away, suddenly I find myself opening a new internet page on computer. It feels like a whirlwind. But determined, today will finish another post in the series of the Mother Archetype. The last category of daughters – the stubborn “mom-hater”.

“Mom hate” driven life

Yes, you heard it, this is the fourth category-the last of four that Jung identified. He labels this category as Resistance to the Mother or Extreme Negative Mother Complex. Mom hater knows what she doesn’t want. But is usually completely lost as to what she would choose as her own fate. She concentrates all her instincts on the mother in the form of resistance. Obviously, such resistance (or straightforward hate?) would usually take symbolic form. Such as her resistance to or complete indifference to anything that comes under the head of family, community, society, convention etc. The mother as material, “matter”, may be at the back of her impatience with objects, clumsy handling of tools and bad taste in clothes.

Highly intellectual, this type of woman creates an environment ruled by sharp reasoning, cool judgment and superior knowledge where mother’s instinctual power doesn’t have a room. Thus, anything dark, obscure and unclear in her own nature is frustrating for her. Enter her “hate” zone. And all the while the world and life pass by her like a dream—an annoying source of illusions, disappointments, and irritations. All of which are due solely to the fact that she cannot bring herself to look straight ahead. Her own nature is what she fights against the hardest. Yet, the clarity of her mind makes her indispensable in professional life and she can make a great advisor.

Private Life of Mom Hater

She rebels with every fiber of her being against everything that springs from natural soil. Simultaneously she gets dominated in negative form by what she runs away. All instinctive processes meet with unexpected difficulties. It can be sexuality does not function properly, or the children are unwanted, or maternal duties seem unbearable etc. Even resistance to the mother (as uterus) may manifest itself in menstrual disturbances, failure of conception, disgust of pregnancy, hemorrhages and excessive vomiting during pregnancy, miscarriages, etc.

Fate doesn’t stop surprising even more. Interestingly, she may end up picking a partner that has her mother’s traits. Such women tend to live a more meaningful life in the second half of their lives only if they manage to face and digest that hellish obscurity of “femininity” and “maternity”.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VI – Home-Wrecker With a Mission
Mother Archetype VII – Shadow Daughter
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural

Cover photo: Gerd Altmann, Pixabay.com

Mother Archetype VII – Shadow Daughter

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I can’t believe it has been over a month that I haven’t returned to this section. I had intended to finish up the Mother Archetype series this month. This makes me think, when the Mother, or any sort of manifestation of the Mother Archetype is in trouble, nothing matters. These four weeks have felt like a blink. The strong emotional turmoil left everything else in a dark shadow. Slowly, I am trying to pull myself together and finish up the series.

The last post was about the effects of the Mother Archetype on the daughters falling into the second category. Jung had labeled it as Overdevelopment of Eros. Now, the turn is for the third category.

Life in Shadow

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VI – Home-Wrecker With a Mission
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural

Jung called this category “Identity with Mother”. Or simply shadow daughter. This type of woman associates herself totally with the mother and lives kind of shadow life. It paralyzes her feminine initiatives. Everything which reminds her of motherhood, responsibility, personal relationships, and erotic demands arouses feelings of inferiority and compels her to run away—to her mother, who lives to perfection. She clings to her mother in selfless devotion. At the same time unconsciously striving, almost against her will, to tyrannize over her. Personal relationship is torture for her as it robs her off the mother.

In sum, she is that passive, helpless female image that doesn’t know a thing, that suffering and injured innocent. The type that only “the true hero will rescue”. Such women are kind of empty container that will hold whatever is put into. So they will put up with whatever life puts on their plate. Their partner will mold them into whatever pleases him.

Behind Each Successful Man?

On the good side, if skilled, this type, happy with living a shadow life will project her virtues on her partner pushing him upwards. That’s why sometimes totally incapable men are in unfit positions and praised for qualities that do not have.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VI – Home-Wrecker With a Mission
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural

Mother Archetype VI – Home-wrecker with a mission

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The previous post was on overdose of the maternal instinct and this post will be about the other end of the spectrum. The “home wrecker” with wiped out maternal instinct who comes with a pre-destined mission. Jung labelled this type as Overdevelopment of Eros.

Woman falling into this category tends to overdevelop intellectual aspect and block maternal instincts in repulsion to the first type women. Remember that entirely instinctive, blind, love-wrapped, yet awfully dangerous hypertrophic mother type from the previous post? Yes, that one. Naturally such daughter develops deep admiration to father and idolizes him. The unconscious urge of this type of woman is to outdo the mother. How we call it now? – Daddy’s princess? Or mommy’s little rival at home?

Femme Fatale – anything but maternal instinct

Such mindset sets the background for quite some disastrous decisions and lifestyle choices. For example, series of romantic relationships and dramas with married men. It just gives them an opportunity to wreck a marriage (to apparently, outdo that rival at home). Once mission is completed, she moves on to the next victim. Apparently, no relationship should lead to where maternal instincts are involved – femme fatale with the touch of acute intellect – as we know it. They also tend to put an abnormal emphasis on the personality of others.

Here obviously, we talk about the extreme representations of the complex. As Jung highlights, none of the types exist in the purest form. The features of the dominating type often blends in many subtle shades of other types. Which in fact, could become enablers of transformation at certain phases of life.

Not your usual home-wrecker

Yet, on the positive side, such woman unconsciously reacts to men who are either strangled in an oppressive relationship or stifled with mother attachments. So she is kind of “rescuer of suffocating man”, if gone too far, a home-wrecker. So not all home-wreckers are made equal. Some have pre-destined mission of being a correction factor. That’s why, no matter where she comes in, she arouses moral conflict and disturbance. She represents the other side of the river. Yet, many times, along the process she becomes disturbed too if she awakens to her hidden purpose.

Most interestingly, according to Jung, her way to detach a man tangled in mother attachments (and complete that secret mission) passes through her own painful discovery and reconciliation with her once wiped out maternal instincts.

Stay tuned for the third type.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VII – Daughter in Shadow
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural
Mother Archetype X – Motherland
Mother Archetype XI – Teenage Crisis – Libido
Mother Archetype XII – Incest: Problem or Solution?

Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct

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The turn now is for females. Mothers equally shape daughters’ nature (and destiny for that matter!) too. This doesn’t intend, however, to diminish by any means the undeniable father-daughter bond. That said, ladies, let’s get going and see who we recognize in the following four posts – Our mom? Cousins? Aunties? Mother-in-laws? The lady next door? Or maybe ourselves?

Jung divides effects of the Mother Complex in females into three major categories. It ranges from exaggeration to extinction of maternal instinct and one transitional type in between.

Hypertrophy of Motherhood

Today’s category is exaggeration or hypertrophy of the maternal instinct. This means intensification of all female instincts, above all, the maternal instinct to a point where the only goal is childbirth. To her the husband is just another object to look after like house, furniture etc. Even her own personality is secondary. She lives her life through others – the objects that she identifies herself with and takes care of. First she gives birth to the children, and from then on she clings to them. Because without them she has no existence whatsoever. This type of woman, though continually “living for others,” is, as a matter of fact, unable to make any real sacrifice.

Driven by ruthless will to power, she fanatically insists on her own maternal rights. Sadly, often succeed in annihilating not only her own personality but also the personal lives of her children. The less conscious such a mother is of her own personality, the greater and the more violent is her unconscious will to power. Ok, I’ll stop here, too scary? Who are we observing so far?

Glorified Motherhood

On the positive side, this is the image of the mother which has been glorified in all ages and all tongues. Without doubt, this is the mother-love associated with warm memories, motherland, homecoming and safe shelter from all dangers.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype VI – Home-wrecker with a mission
Mother Archetype VII – Daughter in Shadow
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural
Mother Archetype X – Motherland
Mother Archetype XI – Teenage Crisis – Libido
Mother Archetype XII – Incest: Problem or Solution?

Mother Archetype IV: Homosexuality

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According to Jung, the typical effect on the other end of the curve on the sons is homosexuality and even impotence. See previous post for the effect of Don Juanism on the other end of the curve. In cases as homosexuality, the son’s entire heterosexuality is tied to the mother in an unconscious form. Receptivity, intuitiveness and other feminine traits coming from such bond translate to a kind of creative and insightful personality. Unsurprisingly, such men may have good taste and an aesthetic sense. Again, thanks to the presence of a feminine streak, such people may be very good at teaching too. On top of all, this sort of insight and tact would allow them spiritual receptivity, responsiveness to revelation and appreciation of history.

This description from Jung makes me reflect on my own life experience. Interestingly enough, the most insightful friends I’ve ever had, as a rule have been homosexuals. As they have perspectives of both genders, deep conversations with them is just pure delight. I may commit a serious crime here, but such description gives me an idea. It may also explain why we see more homosexuals in some professions, such as fashion design, than others. Obviously, it doesn’t mean that all fashion designers are homosexuals.   

Yet, Jung believes, son’s mother complex doesn’t appear in pure form because of the difference in gender. Along this complex, the archetype Anima plays an important part. This is the Archetype that gets projected on man’s sexual counterpart and guides the man through the separation process from the Mother.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype I
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VI – Home-wrecker with a mission
Mother Archetype VII – Daughter in Shadow
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural
Mother Archetype X – Motherland
Mother Archetype XI – Teenage Crisis – Libido
Mother Archetype XII – Incest: Problem or Solution?

The Mother Archetype I – The Great Mother

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The series of the Mother Archetype was published on social media first, namely, at my Instagram and facebook accounts where I post more frequently. Now, with few edits, I am publishing it here too. I’ll keep the number and lengths of the posts about the same. Let’s begin!

Tabula Rasa?

For a long time, scholars kept debating whether we are born as white papers (I mean our brains). Then some smart people started to suspect that our brain is capable of creating its own reality. Long debates of rhetoric revolved around the topic. Then psychoanalysts came along and took a more pragmatic position based on, let’s say, the data they collected from patients, or putting it less fancy, they summed up repetitive cases they have observed in their patients. One of them was Carl Gustav Jung, who suggested that when we are born, our body doesn’t have an animal shape. We do not look like clouds either. We have a definite shape that long history has formed. How come, this same thing didn’t happen inside our head? The same formation process must have taken place there too. He dedicated his whole life to the study of the structure of our psyche and reached some conclusions.

The Archetypes

According to his conclusions, our psyche has a structure – randomly organized crystal-form like boxes, or honeycomb. These boxes hold information based on feelings and feeling-toned thoughts. So, attention to the feeling toned thoughts or clouds of associated thoughts, which means they do not function the way we do in our waking life – no reason and no logic in there. He called them Archetypes. They are the ones that produce cryptic symbols, or primordial images as he sometimes called (this reminds me of the movie Da Vinci code). He even went further to say that we actually live in there and project everything to the outer world. Actually, these crystal form structures are powerful sources of energy. Apparently, one of these Archetypes is the Great Mother.

The Great Mother

Did we say that the feeling association is what keeps the information together inside those boxes? Anything that is associated with Containing, Nourishing and Safe Nest (keywords) activates the primordial image of Mother and we automatically project the Mother Archetype on that object. Now, the first object this archetype gets projected on is obviously actual Mother. Along the years as we grow up, get old and move towards the inevitable destination – the death, the projected objects of this Archetype change too.

Also read: The Unconscious – The Great Mother

Yet, I’d like to make an important projection that is ever present regardless which period of life we are at. The totality of psyche (or the unconscious) is like home (nest) to our rational mind that we’ve developed in the later years of evolution. So the psyche is like “mother” to this “new kid”. In times when our conscious ego faces difficulties in physical life (or the outer world), it craves to turn back home, to the unconscious depth, from where it “was born”. Do we repeat the same pattern in life? Yes, when we face hardships in life, we crave to go back to the carefree childhood or return to cozy home. Oops, we just did very common projection.

A recent claim of neuroscientist David Eaglemann that there is no smell, no sound and no color around us, we live in a pseudo reality translated to us by a skull-bound three pounds jelly matter called brain gave more scientific support to Jung’s suggestions.

I’ll stop here before going off-topic. We’ll talk about the Mother Archetype and its influence on sons in the following post.

Read other posts of the series:
Mother Archetype II – Son Lover of the Mother Goddess
Mother Archetype III – Don Juanism
Mother Archetype IV – Homosexuality and Impotence
Mother Archetype V – Exaggerated Maternal Instinct
Mother Archetype VI – Home-wrecker with a mission
Mother Archetype VII – Daughter in Shadow
Mother Archetype VIII – Mom Hater
Mother Archetype IX – Part Human, Part Supernatural
other Archetype X – Motherland
Mother Archetype XI – Teenage Crisis – Libido
Mother Archetype XII – Incest: Problem or Solution?

Photo: Pixabay.com, Gerd Altmann

Lockdown in Italy, random thoughts

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It has almost been a week that Italy has gone into total lockdown. Witnessing the solidarity and unity that the whole country demonstrates in these difficult times is something I’ll treasure forever. Being refugee myself, this is not the most difficult time I’ve had to endure, but what we are living now reminds me the wisdom I had read from C.G.Jung. Now not quoting exactly, recalling from my memory.
When we think of good and bad, light and darkness, we associate peace with good/light and war with bad/darkness. We forget that good and bad are not static. They are dynamic and always exist together in us and everything surrounding us. When peace lasts too long, human memory tends to forget the bitter lessons of war. Humans forget what kind of tragedies ego-centric attitude and interest-driven greed can cause. So just by lasting too long, peace carries ‘bad’ agent, or ripens ‘Bad’.
On the contrary, War, being one of the worst and the most painful events that humans can experience, teaches an important lesson. The agony of tragedy makes us feel the pain of others. We learn Empathy, Trust, Alturism and Collaboration are the basics to survive. So as horrible as War is, it carries a good agent – it ripens ‘Good’.
While recent years had been marked with so much controversy everywhere, the danger of COVID2019 has drastically changed priorities and refreshed our latent memory – long forgotten after the world wars – individualism and ego-centric priorities are fine-tune luxuries that can be afforded in good times. In the end what matter in dark days for survival are Empathy, Trust in fellow man, Solidarity and Collaboration.
We’ve closed our doors in solidarity… not to separate… but to protect – ourselves and all those who want to survive just like us!
Stay in’n safe all.